Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
