Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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