sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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