I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
