So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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