hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
