i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
