the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
