so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
