Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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