We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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