remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
