My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
