So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
