I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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