i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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