im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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