That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
