I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
