Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
