i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
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Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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