we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
