people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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