Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
