Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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