True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
