8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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