I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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