Ambien. No doubt about it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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