Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
