im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
