Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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