"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
