So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
