yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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