I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
