i would punch a child for taco bell
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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