Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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