I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
