dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
