i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
