So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
