smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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