oh fat girl friday strikes again...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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