I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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