I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
