they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
