And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
