Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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