Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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