she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
