good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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