i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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