i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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