she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
