I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
