pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
