i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
