I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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