She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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