I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
