I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
