Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
