Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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