Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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