Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
