sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
