Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
