I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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