My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
