I am puke
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
