Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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