Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
