Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
