South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
