haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
