I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
