He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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