First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
