There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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